A Teacher’s Plan

In my office on the desk sits the plan
A game-board matrix of black lines
Empty boxes waiting to be filled up,
they must be delivered on time, all full.

Top left to lower right, ideas flow.
Beautifully connected gems, jewels.
Seamlessly they should be linking as one.
Like streams forming rivers to become whole.

Now the rail tracks for a steaming engine.
Smoking on down to a higher learning.
Five ladders reaching up to the heavens
Each rung a step toward a shared target.

The Lobby of the Afterlife

During the infinitesimal moment that precedes death,
you watch in confusion
as you are released from the confines and limitations of the vehicle that a only a few moments earlier was your body.
Just as a metallic red helium balloon,
complete with trailing white string
is liberated into the atmosphere
by a sobbing infant,
you depart also.

Your expected tunnel of blackness
and the minute pin-prick of shimmering light growing nearer, larger
is nowhere to be seen.

Under your feet is a humid landscape of damp grey concrete
under a blinding white sky.
Rusted iron girders, interspersed by weathered stone pillars
rise up in all directions.
They run in ranks and files
from the wet footprints of your well worn shoes
to meet the horizon line.
And although you stand perfectly still,
there is an unmistakable and certain sensation of travelling onward.

And now the hazy silhouette of a small crowd can be seen in the distance.
The faces of those you have known
and others who swam in your gene pool at another time,
wait to greet you,
in the tastefully furnished lobby of the afterlife.

Driving Home

Driving home in the late afternoon
the distant horizon is wounded
by a silhouette of trees,
stripped naked of their foliage by winter.
Now witches brooms, scarring the skyline.

They hold up the grey fog bank
which is descending menacingly
from the rose pink clouds above.
A slowly dying azure blue
tops off this vast skyscape.

But what really has me
is the early evening moon
away to my right.

A geomatrist’s perfect circle of platinum
punched with a precision I will never know
into the atmosphere.
A shimmering key-whole, through which to gaze
at some otherness.

I pull over the car.
(Which is wise when attempting such things)
And reaching up, I hook a fingertip
around the lower curve of this break in the ether
and haul myself up.

After hanging there a moment, suspended
tasting the crystal air,
I close my right eye and press my left cheek
flush to the sky
and peer through.

Matthew Coombe

The Cat

The cat that I assume trashed my bin last night is back
I can see him from the kitchen window
as I stand at the sink washing dishes
scouring pad in hand
Of course he has seen me also
from the protection of my green painted fence
just the other side of the no-man’s land of my lawn.

He is sitting arrogantly upright
as if at the wheel of some customised 1992 hatch back.
with his trainered hind legs dangling down my side
The knuckles of his left paw are tattooed L.O.V.E.
On his left - predictably – H.A.T.E.
His Union Jack shorts look ridiculously garish
The raised middle finger printed on his sleeveless T-shirt
gives me an insight into his politics today.

Tucked securely under his arm is today’s red-top newspaper
and his paw blatantly clutches a roll of super-soft-double-quilted tissue.
I can even make out the neatly planted yellow daises
on each individual perforation
waving at me.

He stretches, flexes his claws
and after gliding casually to the ground
picks his way through my plethora of feline deterrents.
He checks himself in the supposedly terrifying row of reflective CD’s
breaching the surface like the humps of some mythical lake beast
He laughs at my landmines of half bottles of water
that litter the area
Diverting his attention back to business and the sports pages
my tortoise shelled trespasser settles.

I know my shouts, my bangs on the glass, Shoos! and Gidardovits! are futile
His acute senses stack the odds in his favour every time
And so I fold my hand
I helplessly watch as he departs the way he came
tipping over my bin for good measure as he goes.

Tinkering

The showroom air seems uncomfortably cold.
Maybe it’s to drive us would be buyers
into the snugness and warmth of the cars on sale here.

The staff appear trustworthy
and sensibly equipped for any eventuality
in their matching high-performance
company issued winter coats.

Flawlessly polished vehicles,
unspoiled and untouched by human hands
become pedigree dogs in a show.

Poised and identically aligned for judging.
Or frozen and straining on the end of at some invisible leash,
eager to find some mystical far off field
beyond the gaping exit doors.

They sit upandbeg their absent owners,
to find just a few pounds a month more,
just for a couple of extra years.

Irony comes next.
Dragging her tools behind her.
she takes pole position with the vacuum,
surveys the shimmering bodywork,
the glistening metallic hues of our faithful friends.
Turning from the whole sterile scene
she busies herself as best she can
emptying the bins.

Finally, a receptionist skilfully feigns bubbliness
to announce to Mr. Jenkins, (as a mid-wife to a new father),
that his £300 ignition barrel is on it’s way!
A further £40 is owed.
should he also wish to purchase an ignition key
to render it of any use at all!
Congratulations Mr. J!
You must be very proud.

Matthew Coombe

Birth Day

I remember nothing of my own birth.
I am not like the reincarnationist
who claims it was more painful than his last death.
Or you who recall the odour of your pram lining
at two months old.
Nor am I the infant, who one day stuns his mother
with a tale of a blinding section of white,
being grabbed by hands.
Why would a six year old make such a comment
as he playfully struggles free from his sweater?

Matthew Coombe

Coffee

Coffee

Dry grains circumnavigate the surface.
Now the bulging veins of immense biceps,
the snarling canines of some junkyardog
Quick’ning the pulse, trigg’ring adrenaline
and releasing it's hit into my brain.

Matthew Coombe

460 CC Driver Review.

I've just bought myself a whopping 460cc Cube driver by Dunlop. Apparently it's worth £99 but I know the £30 I paid for it is more realistic. It looks and feels like a good club, although it is definitely at the budget end of the market.

Anyway, I went a gave it a whack today and to be honest, if all these drivers are like this one, there are not all that great. It's a very light club, but the air resistance on the face as you make a downswing makes it feel as if you're swinging through custard. I was knackered after hitting only a few balls!

It didn't add any distance to my drives either. If anything they came up a little shorter.

I'm much better with the Taylor Made driver I also use. It's obviously a better club and a lot more expensive. With that I can make a full blooded swing and still keep it fairly straight. So my advice is - get yourself a quality driver, learn to use it and stick with it.

(If you've got a driver that genuinely gives you longer tee shots - let me know)

Closer Shaving with a Big Saving

If you've been dragged into the razor war lately, that is the more blades you've got, the better the shave, then this is the blog post you.

Firstly, throw out all the 5 bladed razors and buy a cheap twin edge razor and blade. They are about 4cm long by 2cm wide and have 2 blades. One one on each long edge. They come in plastic packs of about ten and cost a fraction of price.

Then wash, shower or bath. The longer the better. Next dry your face almost completely and apply a good shaving oil. Although olive oil would work just as well.

Next, just shave as normal. Rinse your face after but don't use any soap, as the remaining oil leaves the skin really smooth and moisturised.

Give it a go and say good buy to cuts and burns for good.

Mixamatosis - Don't Ignore It!

Today was a sad day in our house. It began with one of our rabbits developing what looked like an eye infection and ended with the poor thing having to be put to sleep. Fortunately our other rabbit seems OK and has now been vaccinated. However, this is apparently no guarantee of protection from the disease.

Surprisingly it isn't passed from rabbit to rabbit. It is spread by biting insects that carry the disease.

So if you've got bunnies, get them sorted, especially with all the wet and warm weather around this year. The bugs just love it.

R.I.P

Honey.

Died 3.10.07

Teaching Children Basic Punctuation.

For a long time now I've been searching for a method of teaching basic punctuation to children. Yep, they all know what a full stop (period) looks like. They even know to follow one with a capital letter. But what they do not know, is when to use a full stop.

There doesn't seen to be much advice out there, apart from the obvious stuff. However, this method is pretty good.

Begin by looking at simple sentences with your class. Explain that they are just single thoughts or pieces of information. Work on a few exercises where they explain what the info is in various pre-prepared sentences.

e.g.

It was raining outside Bob put on his boots.

This contains two thoughts and so should be two simple sentences.

From there, progress on to letting the children write at length, but stress that each sentence should be simple and contain one thought.

They'll probably struggle to be brief enough and write sentences which are too long. From here, let them repeat the exercise, but insist that no sentence be more than eight words long. It must still make sense though!

When they get to grips with this (which they will!) every time they write at length, give them a calculator and have them divide the number of words by the number of full stops they have used. This will tell them their average sentence length. Eight to ten words is perfect.

Get them to read their work out to the class. They will really be able to hear the difference in style between 8-10 average and those which are higher.

The children can now rework pieces or writing, trying to lower their average sentence length when necessary. It's a challenge most of the children I teach enjoy.

Try it teachers - you'll be amazed at the difference it can make.

Diet That Works

As I explained earlier, I've spent a bit of time experimenting with different workouts and training techniques.

Something else I've also explored is diet and the healthiest and most effective form I've come across (and still broadly follow) is the GI diet. It's easy, apparently healthy, and has taken me from 210 pounds down to 175 in less than a year. I also feel I managed to increased my strength power and build new muscle at the same time.

It goes like this...

Certain foods convert to sugar and absorb into the system faster than others. Having loads of sugar rushing around your bloodstream is bad and so to compensate for this fast absorption, the body releases insulin, which converts the sugars to fats and stores them. Then the blood sugar levels stabilize.

This increase in blood sugar is usually accompanied by an energy kick, but after the insulin does it's stuff, the blood sugar plummets and leaves you feeling tried, lethargic and with a huge craving for more food.

To stop these spikes of blood sugar and insulin release, dietitians advise only eating food that converts slowly and gradually into sugar. Foods with a low Glycemic Index (GI). Thus providing a slow and steady supply of energy throughout the day.

Here's the general rules that I stick too:

• Avoid refined or processed foods.


• Go for wholegrain breads over white and even wholemeal.


• Don't get hungry. Eat every couple of hours. Even if you don't feel like it. Go for fruit, nuts, anything with a lowish GI.


• Eat a quality cereal breakfast.


• For an extra weight loss kick, eat omlettes for breakfast but remove some or all of the yolks before cooking.


• Get used to brown rice and brown pasta.


• Pasta isn't that bad as some may think. Most people's biggest mistake is they eat too much in a portion. One grabbed handful is enough.


• Only eat potatoes in moderation. Avoid fried potatoes of all kinds.


• Cut down on pasta and potatoes by upping the amount of protein and vegetables in your meals - you'll soon hardly notice the difference.


• Little or no carbs after 4pm.


• Weigh yourself every morning and take note of what you ate the previous day and what the scales are telling you.


• Don't diet. Don't make any changes to your eating habits that you won't be able to keep up forever!


• Don't obsess about weight - thin and light does mean you're healthy and looking good.


• Give yourself two days a week - for me it's Friday and Saturday - and go for it. Eat what you want, when you want! It'll stop any cravings creeping up on you. After a while, you'll get sick of processed junk anyway and will stop wanting it as much.


• Get some protein after exercise and with every meal. It lowers the overall GI level of the meal itself.


• Avoid alcohol, but don't deprive yourself. It is almost indigestible and all the body can do with it is store it as fat. Plus it makes you hungry.

Again, these is only my opinions. I hold no qualifications in this field at all, but it seems to work for me. Thanks for dropping by.

Effective Exercising That Works

As promised then. My take on proper exercise and my attempt to get more people onto the bench press and off the cross-trainer.

I'm not going to list a load of exercises here with specific sets and reps. You can find out what exercise does what from any gym instructor or exercise book.

My point is, aim to do 3 sets of whatever movement you do. Make sure the most you can possibly perform is 7 reps. As soon as you start making 8 and 9, up the weights. After a few weeks at it, up the sets to 5 too.

Train two body parts at a time, choosing combinations from back, chest, legs, biceps and triceps. Work the abs in every session.

Don't train more than 4 days a week. And never work a muscle group that's still sore. So if the triceps are hurting, stay away from pushing exercises.

Take a good protein supplement before and after training, and during the rest-day after exercise. It does make difference.

A session should last no longer than 45 minutes (an hour tops) without rushing. It might not sound long. You might not feel like your working very hard, doing low reps with high weight. That's OK. Just remember - you are eating into your energy stores, not breaking down the muscle and fitness you already have.

NB These are just my opinions based on my own experience. Everyone should consult a qualified expert before exercising.

Workouts That Work.

I love gyms. I've been using them now since I was about ten years old. I've been a member of back street spit n' sawdust boxers' gyms, right up to £1200 p.a. members places, so I feel fairly well qualified to comment.

The one thing that continues to amaze me, is just how few women use free-weights and resistance machines and relentlessly pound away on the C.V stuff for hours on end. I can only assume it's the female fear of becoming muscular and thus "manly".

If this post gets a few hits, I might expand on this a little and include a bit of advice on resistance exercise, based on my own experiences. I definitely believe it's an untapped resources for female gym users. Especially those looking to train smarter not harder. Watch this space.

The Golf Swing.

The title here doesn't really match the content of this entry, but hopefully when it's punched into a few search engines, might get a few hits.

Anyway, as promised, here's an account of how my return to the world of golf went...

To be honest, quite well. As you'd expect, I hit some great shots and some absolutely appalling ones too. Pleasingly though, we did not appear to be the worst three players on the course.

I'm looking forward to next time, as I really enjoyed it and can't wait to get out there practising sometime this week.

Mince Boiling.

It has recently come to my attention that there is a large number of like minded individuals who are commiting unspeakable acts in the name of food preparation. What are they doing? They are boiling mince!

Now I don't know about you, but I feel that the only time meat should be boiled is at Christmas, when getting the turkey giblets ready to give to the dog.

If you as a reader are now saying to yourself, "Well how do you cook it, if you don't boil it?" Don't worry. Help is at hand. Your wandering in the weird wilderness is over.

You fry it gently, in a drop of oil, unitl it all goes brown and is cooked through.

Try it. Trust me. You won't look back. You will be able to hold your head up high once again, without fear or shame. Safe in the knowledge that you are not a mince boiler!

Back in the Swing?

After about ten years of never hitting a golf ball, I've agreed to a round on Saturday at a local course. Apparently once you have a basic swing (which I claim to have) you never lose it. Well let's hope so for the sake of the people living within 50 metres of the course and their beautiful double glazed houses.

Another concern I have, is teeing off in front of in front of a dozen other guys. I'm seriously considering kicking off with a nice safe 5-iron and saving the big guns until well out of sight and harms way. Who knows - this could be first step on the road to sporting stardom. I'll fill you in on how it goes on Sunday. Better get out their and smack a few practise balls.

10th September 2007

Here we go then with Blog no.1. Watch this space!